Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
