Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
