p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's blow job season.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Randomize
