I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
