is your mom at the bar?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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