My balls are so social today.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
