Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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