First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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