I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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