I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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