it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
