I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize