At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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