Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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