I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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