just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
