I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
