Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
