I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
