i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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