Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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