you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
