dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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