maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
