I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
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this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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