I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
