i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
