i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
