I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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