Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
