yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
