those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?