I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
