Im at strip club and am horny
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
