and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
