There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
