Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
