Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
