Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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