this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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