For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
