My hand turned me down
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
