I think I died a long time ago.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
