Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
