i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
