Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
