apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
