Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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