You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
drinking out of a sandbucket again
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
