You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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