Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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