Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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