it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize