it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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