I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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