the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
