and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
