I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
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She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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