having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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