We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
