Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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