i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
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Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
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Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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