sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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