I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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