...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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