i would punch a child for taco bell
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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