It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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