someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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