ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
