I cut my penus on the lid.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
